Monday, September 29, 2008

This one's for Joan-

I have been blessed to have two cousins my age. Graduated the same year, blah blah. We've had our close times, and our times of doing our own thing. Right now the other two are in school- one doing the grad-thing(back east), the other doing the little miss school thang(down south). Sadly, our conversations have come to once in a while phone calls when one of us is having an emotional day. I hope they know I love them on my good days too! It's been really great having them...cousins are better than friends, cuz they love you in that family way- the brutally honest way...but they don't have that 'sister dynamic'. The perfect combo. (does that make sense to anyone else?) I've been missing them a lot...two of best friends.

One recently dedicated tuesday to be 'ticked off tuesday' but I don't think I can wait til tomorrow to whine!

I'm so sad, annoyed, and cranky lately. I know- pregnant people do that...but why don't they warn you it's not really fixable? I am such a 'debbie-downer, BEAST' lately. This stage sucks.
I want to get out of the house- I have nowhere to go, no desire to get dressed, and once I'm out...I want to be home.
I want new clothes and I can't remember what I looked like before. Maternity is no fun.
I don't like the physical changes one's hard to feel attractive when you're a huge bump that MOVES (yeah foot coming out practically) and you're 'leaking'. It takes forever to do anything like shave my legs, or paint my toes...and I'm out of breath by the time I'm done. I'm swollen. NOT SEXY.
I'm drying out- and breaking out.
I'm annoyed with kids...for no reason.
I can't take my relaxing baths anymore cuz I can BARELY get out of the tub (and I found a spider on my towel- gross.)
I want to eat- but M'Adam went on a 'diet'...and nothing tastes good anyway.
I can't do anything around my house...and M'Adam has been working a lot- so my helper is gone. How the heck am I supposed to decorate for Halloween- my fav holiday?
It just seems like I have a million things I want to do, but when painting my toes takes an hour- what choice do I have but to wait for help? And now that my helper is gone I can feel it- HELPLESS.
I HATE that feeling. It's the worst...and apparently it won't be going away for a while.
I know every woman goes through some degree of why cry when I'm not alone? Then again- I've never been good at the fake smile thing. I'm just done. 5 weeks seems so far away, yet so close when I think of what I want to get done before Baby. I think I'll make a paper chain and count the days- they say you learn everything you need in kindergarten. Yep, a paper chain and some kool-aid.
Oh by the way- I love Joan, and Bex too!

P.S. a b-day shout out for our niece who's 3, and our nephew who'll be 12 tomorrow.


Laurice. said...

It will be over soon. I felt the same was so hard! But the good news is it goes away. I will warn you now just in case you go through this... After I had Camden when you hormones are trying to adjust it's another really rocky road (at least for me it was) but that ends too. Lots of tears and feelings you just don’t have control of but I can say it’s all worth it.

Just Joan said...

I miss you too! And you are totally right...cousins just have that combination that helps a lot of the time. I am so ashamed...when I whine it is nothing compared to having a baby in your belly. But oh well Ticked off Tuesdays (or mondays) will still continue and I am glad someone has joined the is nice to just vent sometimes! Laurice is right though (not that I know from experience) but you have a roller coaster of emotions ahead of you after the baby comes...good luck with that and as always I am a phone call away. I love and miss you...and eat makes the world so much better.

Anonymous said...

amen to eating chocolate. its the cure all! and remember cousin in law- im not that far away if you need something! i can come play and paint your toes! :)

faith celeste said...

Welcome to motherhood and who needs painted toes anyway? Love you Shay!